Breaking up is tough. In fact, a break up can be so devastating that it incurs ill feelings, overwhelming loneliness, and the desire to stay in bed all day with a tub of moose tracks ice cream. If you’re going through a traumatic break up, rest assured that you’re not alone. In fact, you’re far from alone. Many hearts are broken every day, and many people let themselves suffer from it.
Don’t subject yourself to such anguish! You don’t want to be that friend who constantly cries and moans about their ex… six months after the break up. Of course it’s okay to grieve after a break up, but you don’t want to reach a point where your dog-tired friends will cut you off in the midst of your upteenth anecdote about your ex’s cute habit of passing gas in church. “Enough,” they would say. “Get over it.”
They’d be right. You might not want to hear this, but you do need to get over your ex someday, better sooner than later. Letting go of your ex is much harder than it sounds, but it’s certainly possible. You just need to focus on yourself and the elements of life that make you happy. However, you can’t move on until you…
Your healing process can’t really begin until you embark on a hiatus from your ex.
If you have zero contact with your ex for at least 30 days, you’ll get over the break up faster. It’s definitely not easy at all, but it’s for the best and you can certainly do it. Just remember that by the time the 30 days are up, you’ll be so accustomed to not talking to your ex that you probably won’t feel so inclined to initiate contact again. This is also a good way to prove to yourself that you can survive without your ex.
The first step is to delete your ex from everything. Unfriend him on Facebook. Unfollow him on Twitter, Instagram, and other social media platforms. Remove his screen name from your chat list. Delete his number from your phone…
And let the healing process begin.
Yes, this step doesn’t jive with the title of this article, but harmlessly spiting your ex can be therapeutic and give you the boost you need to break free from your emotions, especially if you feel that your former flame has wronged you.
This doesn’t mean you should grab a bat and break your ex’s windshield. You should not hurt anyone in any way or form. Just do something that gives you a little bit of satisfaction. For example, if you find your ex’s toothbrush in your bathroom, use it to clean the toilet (only if you’re not planning on returning it!) Other examples include using your ex’s t-shirt to wash the windows, finding an old picture of your ex and scribbling a mustache on her face, or even tossing old love letters from your ex in the fireplace.
It’s okay to cry. Sometimes when you get everything off your chest, you’ll end up feeling better because your emotions are no longer bottled up and driving you crazy. You’ll also find it easier to move on with your life.
Cry. Talk to a friend who will listen and offer support. Write down all your thoughts and feelings. Sing. Paint. Express, express, and express!
When you’re feeling blue, you need to see yellow. When you look at something yellow, your brain releases serotonin, a hormone that naturally lifts your mood. Paint your walls yellow. Change your computer background to something yellow. Keep a yellow object nearby. Incorporate more yellow into your life, and you’ll find yourself smiling more often!
Happy music, that is. Skip the Taylor Swift songs and go for Mozart’s 40th symphony. A 2010 study from Mexico found that classical music can ease clinical depression. It’s because music makes your brain release serotonin and dopamine, another feel-good chemical in the brain.
Exercise is the new Zoloft. Did you know that exercise has been proven to raise happiness levels just as much as Zoloft does? When you exercise, your endorphins increase and your self-esteem goes up. Instead of wallowing in your self pity, grab your running shoes, yoga mat, gym clothes, or anything exercise-related and put your body to good use!
It’s been scientifically proven that being selfless releases “feel-good” chemicals in the brain. When you’re focusing on the needs of others, you cease feeling like a victim and start feeling empowered.
You can wholly commit yourself to helping others by joining a volunteer group, or you can carry out small deeds, such as helping your elderly neighbor move her dresser upstairs. Every little act of kindness counts.
The only thing worse than isolating yourself is being in bad company. While being around other people gets your mind off your love life, you can’t be truly happy unless you’re around people who think the world of you and would support you no matter what. Avoid that aunt who always makes underhanded comments about your weight and instead start making plans with that friend who genuinely laughs at every joke you make. Being around such people helps you remember how much of a fantastic person you are, single or not.
Meditation does wonders to your self-esteem. It silences the mind, relaxes the body, and helps you indulge in positive thoughts. Set aside a designated amount of time a day – even two minutes if you’re busy – to sit in a quiet setting and meditate.
This move is extremely cliché, but it actually works. Reinventing yourself makes you feel like a new person with a bright future ahead of you. Your most recent failed relationship will be swept away with all that hair you’ve cut off, tossed away with your old clothes, and faded into obscurity along with your nasty nail-chewing habit. The new you won’t have any room for the old you, much less any of your former relationships!
If you and your ex lived together, or if your ex spent a lot of time at your home, chances are you have a lot of your ex’s stuff lying around. Clean your home from top to bottom and throw away everything your ex left behind. While you’re at it, get new sheets, buy new curtains, repaint the walls, or rearrange the furniture. It gives you a chance to start afresh without having to remember your former flame every time you turn around.
What did you sacrifice for your ex? Did you give up your dream Hawaii vacation because of your ex’s fear of flying? Did you have to quit smoking because your ex couldn’t stand the smell of cigarettes? Did you stop going to dance clubs because your ex wasn’t too keen on dancing?
Instead of dwelling over the fact that you’ve lost someone, remind yourself that you have your life back. As a newly single person, you’re free as a bird! Let loose and go nuts. You deserve it!
Just because it didn’t last forever, doesn’t mean it wasn’t worth your while.
Falling in love is not a choice. To stay in love is.
Nobody gets through life without losing someone they love, someone they need, or something they thought was meant to be. But it is those losses that make us stronger and eventually move us toward future opportunities.
Just because you have a past with someone doesn’t mean you should have a future with them.
You don’t really need someone to complete you. You only need someone to accept you completely.
Choose your relationship wisely. It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company.
True happiness comes from within, not from someone else. Don’t make the mistake of waiting on someone or something to come along and make you happy.
No relationship is a waste of time. The wrong ones teach you the lessons that prepare you for the right ones.
Maybe it’s not always about fixing something that’s broken. Maybe it’s about starting over and creating something better.
When you finally move on from the past, you are freeing up your future for something better to come along.
Yesterday is yesterday. If you try to recapture it, you will only lose tomorrow.